A few thoughts

Many of you that know me, knew Josh Bickham as well. We’ve been great friends for the last 7 years since we met in high school… Josh passed away in a motorcycle accident on April 11th—the day before Easter. Now that the shock is wearing down and my hysteria is fading and I have to see reality as just that, reality, I’ve had some time to clear all these crazy, confused, hurt, lonely, and other mixed feelings from my head and here are a few thoughts, take them how you want. I don't mean to step on any toes, just weighing heavy on my heart...



Though I’m confused, and the incident will always confuse me, I always lean on scripture. I’ll never be over the fact that Josh is gone and won’t be back for me to cry and whine to, but I’m blessed to have had someone to light up my life like he has… to have known him for the past 7 years… and to get to know him as well as I did where he knew he could come to me with any problems he had or just needed to vent and spill his heart out about. That leaves me pretty at peace. Josh wasn’t one to ask for help, ever! But whenever he was confused or hurt, he would come to me, he never had to ask, I always just knew he was hurting. The only thing I’m still uneasy about is the fact that he didn’t lead on God for comfort and support. Other than that, I know in my heart I did what I could to make him a better person, and I know I became a better person with him in my life.



Not many people really understood the fact that we dated in high school and after we broke up, we were still the best friends we were when we started dating. That never mattered to us, what other people thought. It actually didn’t take much other than saying hi to Kristina for her and I to get along. When I think back, I believe God gave us our space because he knew I wasn’t strong enough to handle his death without the comfort of knowing he was happy and completely in love. And as hurt as I am about how everything happened the last few months, I truly believe God was only starting Kristina’s healing process early and giving her some comfort and time. My feelings on the whole thing are still jumbled and torn and confused, but I know we must forgive before we can completely start to heal. And Josh wouldn’t want arguing or bickering—he’s had to calm me down a number of times lol



Anyways, it seemed that many of the people at his funeral knew me and all let me know how much I meant to Josh. Which, it hurt at first, but when I laid in bed and thought about it, it only meant he was a true friend to me and didn’t care what others thought. We knew that even if others didn’t, we were always there for each other. Josh and I just understood each other, even Kristina understood that. But, through all of this I’ve managed to age from this experience and learned a few lessons that I want to bring onto everyone else… Cherish the ones you love cause tomorrow isn’t promised—good Lord’s will, you will be here tomorrow, but if you aren’t, if you know him, he will know you and be waiting for you in our real home with him… don’t let an opportunity pass you by—you could be the one that brings a lost person to Christ, it isn’t a religion, it truly is a relationship that everyone would love and be loved… and remember all the things in life that the Lord has done to bless you. It isn’t only about the sad things and the misery, it may be painful now but it can’t rain forever. Satan wants us to wimper and cry and be torn down so he can move in and belittle us and use our weaknesses against us, and that just isn’t gonna happen to me. J



I’ll always love you, Josh. You were the closest thing to a brother I had! During my WORST point in my life you were the only one who understood ME enough to tear down my wall. Yeah, now I’m just reliving memories, but that’s a good thing right. At least I have memories of him to relive, others weren’t as lucky to have met him, known him, and had the bond we had, they didn’t get the time we had and that’s something I don’t regret. The stronger I’ve gotten from this and the memories I have outweigh the pain and sadness now by a million. So for those of you who have been praying for me, thanks. I just hope and pray that everyone that did know Josh has come out of this stronger and wiser and I pray they have become closer to Christ and know that he is the only One that can help start the healing process. Sorry to ramble, just been weighing heavy on my heart. I love you Josh, you will be in my heart and the hearts of those that have known you forever, you’re unforgettable and loved—just as you will always be.

--Gina