Random Venting to Myself

My mood: listless.....


Ughhhh! So 2 of my best guy friends in the last few months have up and ditched me because of girls that are jealous of me. Seriously?! How lame is that. It just really bothers me... If they are jealous without even knowing anything about me other than my name and that I'm a female, seriously? get real. So instead of standing up for "a friend" just shaft em right? Im getting pretty used to it even though it is complete bullshit I think.

Anyways... next thing. How can everyone think they know me and what I want? I don't even know what I want!!! Yeah, I want to be loved and appreciated. For some reason I guess I have got this "single girl partier" reputation. And how in the hell that? I MIGHT drink 2 times a month if I'm lucky! I LOVE kids and one day, I want to have 10 of em if I could!!! If it were to happen now, it would BE OK. I would be hurt because I really want to do this Air Force thing, but I know I would be ok and everything would be ok. But, I will prove to myself and everyone else that I am independent and am doing what I want to do. Stop trying to hold me back already, it just hurts me knowing I'm hurting you guys... I don't want to keep being reminded of that.

Next thing... I'm going to Wisconsin in a few weeks and it is going to be sooo hard for me! I havent been up there but once since my grandma died and I reeeeally miss her. The song "Homesick" reminds me of her so much... just have alot of thoughts all coming at me right now. After tech school my niece will be 2 1/2 and my nephew 1 1/2. Just how fast they are growing now I am going to miss so much, and my family is MY LIFE. Hands down. I am very family oriented and always will be. But, I know all this going into this. No regrets.

Annnnd a million other thoughts going through my head... am I going to have time for a boyfriend or should I wait... Should I trust him while Im gone or is that just completely unfair to ask, afterall I am the one leaving. Love is a funny thing for sure!!

Just venting to myself.... hmmm....