What a Mess I've Made!

My mood: intense and very sorry

I'm not posting this for comments or anything I just want to vent, I hear "you're perfect" and "any guy would be lucky to have you" and "you are such a great person" but by no means am I perfect. I've relied way too much on other people for my happiness and it has got me no where. How am I supposed to love someone only to be pushed back? Time and time again. I know this is my decision to leave and that I have reeeeeally messed some things up, but I can't keep doing this by myself. I have ran so far away from what I know is right because of being selfish. So yeah, that one I deserved, selfish. But I've also been hurt enough to know that the only way I can pick myself up is with help. I don't need a certain person to do that for me. I beat myself down this far by wanting something so much and without asking for strength or support, just following my head instead of my heart.

I know I am a VERY confused person and it takes a real special person to understand me and I'm sorry for that too. But I'm not going to keep being sorry. I really do have a good heart, I promise. I'm just tired of it getting broken :( On that note as I sit here at work with tears in my eyes, Im done. I really dont have anything else to give. Im done putting my heart out there and Im done thinking things are different than what is put in front of me. I'll vent more later but for now, I can't do this.. I do everything I do with good intentions, I swear on that..