Kaden not even a day old:
Kaden now (6 months):
Yes, I'm one proud momma!!! <3
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Where has the time gone?!?!?!
Well, 6 months ago today at 3:42 pm, Steve and I welcomed the best gift we could have imagined into our lives. I've always loved kids, even watching my niece and nephew grow up. They grow fast. I just didn't realize just how fast until Kaden came along. We had his 6 month well baby visit yesterday. His head circumference has grown a whole 4 inches, his weight almost 12 pounds, and his length is 7 1/2 inches more!! That may not seem like much but watching all his milestones fly by, it is bittersweet. He has progressed from this tiny little sleeping angel to this strong, playful child. From no reactions other than nonstop sleep and a cry to babbling, laughing, learning his hands and moving his legs, getting up on those limbs and getting ready to crawl. It goes by so fast! I can't take enough pictures and videos of him to remember all this (and trust me, I have over 1000 pictures in my cell phone alone, 1016 to be exact!) I never knew how much I could love someone. I knew I would love him when I was pregnant, but I couldn't just how much and how much more it snowballs everyday!!! I am plum exhausted between school, work, Kaden, spending time with my family, studying, and housework. I miss my sleep and being able to hop in the car and go. But grandpa had Kaden for a few hours last week, and I was so lost without him. It was so awkward to get in the car without seeing that beautiful face in my mirror. Ya know, I would rather live with dark circles, ponytails, and pure exhaustion than to not have this amazing adventure with him, but where has the time gone?!??!?! When I was 15, I couldn't wait to be 16 (and it took FOREVER). When I was 17, I couldn't wait to be 18 (and that took even longer!). When I was 19, I couldn't wait to be 21 (and that was the longest). Now I don't want to miss a second of being 24 because of my son and it feels like last week that we were bringing him home. We are blessed beyond words and thank God everyday for the opportunity to experience parenthood. It's amazing how everything can change when 2 big, blue eyes look at you and a smile creeps across his face. I could go on forever about how blessed I am and how much I absolutely love this child! I just thought I would share some pictures from now and then :)
Kaden not even a day old:
Kaden now (6 months):
Yes, I'm one proud momma!!! <3
Kaden not even a day old:
Kaden now (6 months):
Yes, I'm one proud momma!!! <3
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Some things I don't understand
*OTHER DRIVERS*
Why did you cut me off just to drive slower than me? Why are you going 43 in the far left lane? Why are braking at a green light? Why are you driving if you can't see over the steering wheel little miss great-great-grandmother? I just want to get where I'm going and you're in my way. Stop it. The world would be so much easier if I were the only driver on the road. Anyone else can take the bus.
*THE NEWS*
How come everything is always "Breaking News?" If the local news was all you watched, you'd never leave the house.
*POT PROHIBITION*
Since we have seen the outlawing of a weed, that grows almost anywhere, result in violent drug gangs that deal in bloodshed to protect their massive profits; the filling of our prisons with casual users and the barbaric home-invasions of minor pot growers by DEA and SWAT teams, why is marijuana still illegal? Just tax it and make some money. It's not hurting us, just using our resources to try to stop something so silly. And no, I don't smoke it or do any drugs, but it would make a lot more sense, even to me!
*HOW NASTY PEOPLE ARE TO THEIR EXES*
Sure I have been angry, hurt and disappointed by how someone has treated me, and I am sure I have hurt people I care about, but I do know I would never do anything intentionally to hurt someone out of spite or anger. I would never go for the belt and humiliate someone I once cared about just to gain revenge or make myself feel like I have had the last word.
*A MOTHER'S LOVE*
Becoming a mother was the BEST thing in the world. Just when I feel like this little guy has my whole heart wrapped around him, and I couldn't possibly hold another ounce of love, he smiles and giggles and I fall even more and more in love with him! It's like there is no end! Everything from watching him learn new things to even the sleepless nights of just cuddling just draws me more and more in love with him. Where does all of this love come from?!?!
*MEN*
Of course you knew I had to say it! What is so hard about asking for directions? Why do they get hung up on crazy girls who complain alllll the time? The "bro hug"... hug or don't, stop with the limbo! What is so awesome about Star Wars? Put the toilet seat down and just change the toilet paper roll! Why is that so hard? Why do you have sex with a girl that you would not ever want to have a child with?!?! Why do some men (I won't generalize) CONSTANTLY complain about the annoying stuff women do and the type of women who do them but yet they KEEP DEALING WITH THE SAME TYPE CHICKS???? Stop dealing with those girls. It's simple!
*POLITICS*
When our car breaks down we get out the tools we need and we FIX IT. We don't worry about whether our actions will annoy PETA or the pharmaceutical companies, we just get it done. Politics is pretty much the complete opposite. Every action is motivated by something else, no one is telling the truth, and nothing gets done. Why don't politicians understand things in terms of polarities - awake or asleep, winning or losing, hungry or full, broken or working. Politics are always somewhere in the middle and always "in the process" of doing something. Just get it done already and stop making stupid laws just because "you can!"
*GROWING UP*
How come as kids we think our parents are superheros, as teens they drive us nuts, as young adults we think they are clueless, but as maturing adults we want to be just like them?
This is a crazy world we live in...
Why did you cut me off just to drive slower than me? Why are you going 43 in the far left lane? Why are braking at a green light? Why are you driving if you can't see over the steering wheel little miss great-great-grandmother? I just want to get where I'm going and you're in my way. Stop it. The world would be so much easier if I were the only driver on the road. Anyone else can take the bus.
*THE NEWS*
How come everything is always "Breaking News?" If the local news was all you watched, you'd never leave the house.
*POT PROHIBITION*
Since we have seen the outlawing of a weed, that grows almost anywhere, result in violent drug gangs that deal in bloodshed to protect their massive profits; the filling of our prisons with casual users and the barbaric home-invasions of minor pot growers by DEA and SWAT teams, why is marijuana still illegal? Just tax it and make some money. It's not hurting us, just using our resources to try to stop something so silly. And no, I don't smoke it or do any drugs, but it would make a lot more sense, even to me!
*HOW NASTY PEOPLE ARE TO THEIR EXES*
Sure I have been angry, hurt and disappointed by how someone has treated me, and I am sure I have hurt people I care about, but I do know I would never do anything intentionally to hurt someone out of spite or anger. I would never go for the belt and humiliate someone I once cared about just to gain revenge or make myself feel like I have had the last word.
*A MOTHER'S LOVE*
Becoming a mother was the BEST thing in the world. Just when I feel like this little guy has my whole heart wrapped around him, and I couldn't possibly hold another ounce of love, he smiles and giggles and I fall even more and more in love with him! It's like there is no end! Everything from watching him learn new things to even the sleepless nights of just cuddling just draws me more and more in love with him. Where does all of this love come from?!?!
*MEN*
Of course you knew I had to say it! What is so hard about asking for directions? Why do they get hung up on crazy girls who complain alllll the time? The "bro hug"... hug or don't, stop with the limbo! What is so awesome about Star Wars? Put the toilet seat down and just change the toilet paper roll! Why is that so hard? Why do you have sex with a girl that you would not ever want to have a child with?!?! Why do some men (I won't generalize) CONSTANTLY complain about the annoying stuff women do and the type of women who do them but yet they KEEP DEALING WITH THE SAME TYPE CHICKS???? Stop dealing with those girls. It's simple!
*POLITICS*
When our car breaks down we get out the tools we need and we FIX IT. We don't worry about whether our actions will annoy PETA or the pharmaceutical companies, we just get it done. Politics is pretty much the complete opposite. Every action is motivated by something else, no one is telling the truth, and nothing gets done. Why don't politicians understand things in terms of polarities - awake or asleep, winning or losing, hungry or full, broken or working. Politics are always somewhere in the middle and always "in the process" of doing something. Just get it done already and stop making stupid laws just because "you can!"
*GROWING UP*
How come as kids we think our parents are superheros, as teens they drive us nuts, as young adults we think they are clueless, but as maturing adults we want to be just like them?
This is a crazy world we live in...
Saturday, September 3, 2011
What a Year!
Well, it has been a year since I have updated. Thanks to my awesome wingman, you get to hear some more of my rambling! :) So much has happened in the last year, so let's recap!
- September 10, 2010
Got a new puppy! A sweet black lab we named Jake!
- September 11, 2010 (yes 1 day later)
Found out I was pregnant - January 1, 2011
Moved back to Tennessee and started a new job. - May 19, 2011 @ 3:47pm
The best day of my life! Gave birth to the single most wonderful blessing in the world! He was 7 lb 8 oz and 20 inches long! Meet Kaden:
- August 11, 2011
Jake ran off, and I really miss him. I have desperately been trying to find him with no luck.
That's about it. I've been working toward my RN and somehow pulling off a 3.429 GPA thus far. Steve and I just celebrated our 2 year anniversary last month <3 Well, I guess I will try to write more (and not delete them) :)
--RJ
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Hooter's Orientation / Roadtrip Home
The weekend has come and gone, but it ended up being one of the most enjoyable weekends I've had in quite some time. The boyfriend is gone for 2 weeks, and he suggested I go home to Tennessee and visit my family (I'm not sure what my schedule is going to look like, and I'm very close with my family). So I decided it was a good idea, I wasn't doing anything else until my orientation Monday anyways.
I left Indiana after getting a haircut Saturday about 2pm EST. The drive down was pretty enjoyable... no rain, not too many stupid drivers, just me, myself, and I in the Mailbu on the interstate doing 80 with the radio. I did get ran off the road completely by a merging semi who obviously didn't see me right next to his door. I ended up with all 4 wheels in the grass (thank God this part of Kentucky didn't have a concrete wall in the median!) I tried to speed up but there was a car in front of me, who wasn't going any faster, and slowing down just wasn't an option since I would have been under his trailer! I still don't think he ever saw me or the bird I flipped him when he finally merged back over the car he was passing. Horn blowing an all... oblivious. Ugh! Anyways, I finally made it home a little after 5pm CST.
I was going to h
ang out with some friends Saturday night but was just exhausted. So I spent the night at my parents' house and visited with my family. After falling asleep about 3am, I woke up about 7am with my 2 year old niece kissing my cheek. When I opened my eyes she yelled, "GG wake up!" It was too cute for me not to just pick her up and cuddle with her. My nephew is 19 months old and they can get a little jealous of each other, so he toddled over to me too and wanted up to cuddle too. I couldn't even keep my eyes opened because they burned so much, but I loved on those 2 babies for quite some time! I ended up spending the day in town with my sisters, mom, and the babies. I said my goodbyes about 8pm and headed to my apartment. That night, caught up with a friend for awhile and packed some more of my stuff into my car before my eyes just started to just feel sewn shut.
I woke up about 7:30am and hit the road back to Indiana by about 8:30 CST. Today was the day for my orientation at Hooters! The ride back was absolutely amazing! 95 degrees outside, sunshine, traffic moved at a great pace, great songs on the radio where I was just rollin' down the road with my country music blasting and singing on the top of my lungs all by myself. I even got a call from my amazing boyfriend :) Only got to talk for a few minutes, but I'll take it.
I got home in Indiana about 1:00 EST (I lost an hour on my way) and had an hour and 30 mins before my orientation. I decided to wear some jeans and a squared off neckline shirt and figured if I'm going to be sitting watching videos and doing paperwork for a few hours, then I was going to be comfortable. I got ready, headed out the door, and got to Hooter's 10 minutes early.
When I walked in the girl greeted me and I told her I had orientation at 2:30. She told me to have a seat in the back and the manager would be right out. I sat in the back at the same table where my second interview was. The same manager I had my second interview with came out with a folder of papers and a uniform. Bottoms size XXS and top size XS. He told me to go put them on and they fit but because of my height he had ordered me a S shirt on back order. It really wasn't bad at all. I was completely covered up, and the pantyhose were so thick they felt like pants!
While in uniform we went over parts of the employee handbook and filled out my W-2, I-9, and other paperwork. Went over more paperwork and talked about sexual harassment, the uniform, and the open door policy. After I finished all my paperwork, he showed me around the building and where some basic stuff was. Then we went into the office and put in my schedule request for next week. He showed me how to clock in and out and told me to call him on Friday night to find out when my first day of training is.
Soooo so far, so good :)
-- RJ
I left Indiana after getting a haircut Saturday about 2pm EST. The drive down was pretty enjoyable... no rain, not too many stupid drivers, just me, myself, and I in the Mailbu on the interstate doing 80 with the radio. I did get ran off the road completely by a merging semi who obviously didn't see me right next to his door. I ended up with all 4 wheels in the grass (thank God this part of Kentucky didn't have a concrete wall in the median!) I tried to speed up but there was a car in front of me, who wasn't going any faster, and slowing down just wasn't an option since I would have been under his trailer! I still don't think he ever saw me or the bird I flipped him when he finally merged back over the car he was passing. Horn blowing an all... oblivious. Ugh! Anyways, I finally made it home a little after 5pm CST.
I was going to h
ang out with some friends Saturday night but was just exhausted. So I spent the night at my parents' house and visited with my family. After falling asleep about 3am, I woke up about 7am with my 2 year old niece kissing my cheek. When I opened my eyes she yelled, "GG wake up!" It was too cute for me not to just pick her up and cuddle with her. My nephew is 19 months old and they can get a little jealous of each other, so he toddled over to me too and wanted up to cuddle too. I couldn't even keep my eyes opened because they burned so much, but I loved on those 2 babies for quite some time! I ended up spending the day in town with my sisters, mom, and the babies. I said my goodbyes about 8pm and headed to my apartment. That night, caught up with a friend for awhile and packed some more of my stuff into my car before my eyes just started to just feel sewn shut.I woke up about 7:30am and hit the road back to Indiana by about 8:30 CST. Today was the day for my orientation at Hooters! The ride back was absolutely amazing! 95 degrees outside, sunshine, traffic moved at a great pace, great songs on the radio where I was just rollin' down the road with my country music blasting and singing on the top of my lungs all by myself. I even got a call from my amazing boyfriend :) Only got to talk for a few minutes, but I'll take it.
I got home in Indiana about 1:00 EST (I lost an hour on my way) and had an hour and 30 mins before my orientation. I decided to wear some jeans and a squared off neckline shirt and figured if I'm going to be sitting watching videos and doing paperwork for a few hours, then I was going to be comfortable. I got ready, headed out the door, and got to Hooter's 10 minutes early.
When I walked in the girl greeted me and I told her I had orientation at 2:30. She told me to have a seat in the back and the manager would be right out. I sat in the back at the same table where my second interview was. The same manager I had my second interview with came out with a folder of papers and a uniform. Bottoms size XXS and top size XS. He told me to go put them on and they fit but because of my height he had ordered me a S shirt on back order. It really wasn't bad at all. I was completely covered up, and the pantyhose were so thick they felt like pants!
While in uniform we went over parts of the employee handbook and filled out my W-2, I-9, and other paperwork. Went over more paperwork and talked about sexual harassment, the uniform, and the open door policy. After I finished all my paperwork, he showed me around the building and where some basic stuff was. Then we went into the office and put in my schedule request for next week. He showed me how to clock in and out and told me to call him on Friday night to find out when my first day of training is.
Soooo so far, so good :)
-- RJ
Thursday, June 10, 2010
New Life, New Adventures
Well, I finally decided to fall into this "blogging thing". I figured now is a good time to start since I'm in the process of moving to Indiana from Tennessee and starting my new life with the most supportive and wonderful boyfriend I could imagine! A little background on me... I'm not like most females, in fact I have a lot more male friends than females because I don't like all the drama most females tend to bring to the table. I also model, I'm not a self-conscience crazed woman, therefore I don't embarrass easily, I'm a very headstrong, determined individual and I love to smile.
I'm 22 years old and about to start classes to become a RN. That's my goal. But, I'm also a realist. School takes a lot of studying and time and money doesn't grow on trees. College is expensive and on top of the other bills... rent, car payment, insurance, all the household bills, etc... yuck! So me and the boyfriend talked and decided I should apply at Hooter's. We figure the tips would be good and it would give me the time I need for school. I tried to Google the Hooter's hiring process so I would know what to expect and to my dismay, didn't really find anything very useful. I've never been a server before, just fast food. So if you're interested in becoming a Hooter's Girl, I'm going to try to give you my best account of the process.
When I first walked in last Thursday, there was a short, skinny, dark-haired girl as a hostess who was very sweet and you could tell she was new. I asked if they were hiring and if I could get an application. She was very polite and said she would be right back. When she came back out, a manager was with her and he gave me the application and told me to bring it back on Monday between 2-4pm and he would interview me.
So I took the weekend and filled it out, looked online some to find out what to expect or what to even wear to a Hooter's interview. Nothing seemed to be much help. Just read a lot of rude opinions of people who have probably never been in a Hooter's or just think girls that work there are air headed Barbies. Not true. So on my first interview, I decided to wear some moderate, everyday make-up (the picture is actually from my way too my first interview), light colored jeans, a fuchsia pink babydoll top (it wasn't very low cut, just fitting), and a pair of brown heels. I walked in and it was the same polite girl at the front. She seated me at the first table closest to the door and went to the back and got the manager. He sat down with me (didn't take longer than 10 minutes) and just asked me basic questions: Are you comfortable with the uniform? Do you have any tattoos that might show through the uniform? What's your availability? Do you have reliable transportation? It didn't seem like much of an interview for me, just more of basic questions. He then shook my hand and asked if I could come back in 2 days (yesterday) for a 2nd interview with the General Manager at 5pm. He just told me then to wear my hair and make-up like I were going to work.
Second interview, I still had no idea of what they expected me to wear but figured I didn't go too wrong during the first interview so decided to follow the same idea. I wore a black kind of dressed up top that didn't show too much cleavage and some jeans with heels. This time, I did wear more make-up than before, but not too much. When I walked in, the hostess was a different girl, but still very polite. I told her I was there for an interview with the General Manager and she went to the back. I waited about 5 minutes and she came back out with a middle-aged guy and he introduced himself. We walked to a table in the furthest back of the restaurant and had a seat. He had my application and basically went over it. This interview was more like a regular job interview. Same questions as before but longer and discussed the job some also. He asked more in depth questions like what are your goals in life? Why Hooters? What do you know about the company? Why would I make a good Hooter's Girl? What would I expect to make in tips a week? Then he told me he has expectations from every Hooter's Girl. Basically, you have to look good and stay in shape. Make-up done and hair down everyday. You have to work hard (no one likes the slacker), be punctual and actually early due to line ups and getting ready. You have to make money. He explained at $2.13/hr and working for tips, it wouldn't be worth my time if I didn't care about the tips. Then he said if I can accept those terms then welcome to the team :) We then discussed stuff I would need before orientation on Monday at 2pm. Driver's license, social security card, white slip resistant shoes, and $7 for slouch socks and suntan pantyhose.
So now, here I am... blogging my first real blog while my prince charming sleeps away this beautiful day. Guess I should wake him up, after all he DID promise me a puppy if I got the job :) I'm so excited to start and more so excited of what other new adventures await for us. After settling for less than I deserve for so many years, I've learned that sometimes things fall apart so even better things can fall together...
--RJ
I'm 22 years old and about to start classes to become a RN. That's my goal. But, I'm also a realist. School takes a lot of studying and time and money doesn't grow on trees. College is expensive and on top of the other bills... rent, car payment, insurance, all the household bills, etc... yuck! So me and the boyfriend talked and decided I should apply at Hooter's. We figure the tips would be good and it would give me the time I need for school. I tried to Google the Hooter's hiring process so I would know what to expect and to my dismay, didn't really find anything very useful. I've never been a server before, just fast food. So if you're interested in becoming a Hooter's Girl, I'm going to try to give you my best account of the process.
When I first walked in last Thursday, there was a short, skinny, dark-haired girl as a hostess who was very sweet and you could tell she was new. I asked if they were hiring and if I could get an application. She was very polite and said she would be right back. When she came back out, a manager was with her and he gave me the application and told me to bring it back on Monday between 2-4pm and he would interview me.
So I took the weekend and filled it out, looked online some to find out what to expect or what to even wear to a Hooter's interview. Nothing seemed to be much help. Just read a lot of rude opinions of people who have probably never been in a Hooter's or just think girls that work there are air headed Barbies. Not true. So on my first interview, I decided to wear some moderate, everyday make-up (the picture is actually from my way too my first interview), light colored jeans, a fuchsia pink babydoll top (it wasn't very low cut, just fitting), and a pair of brown heels. I walked in and it was the same polite girl at the front. She seated me at the first table closest to the door and went to the back and got the manager. He sat down with me (didn't take longer than 10 minutes) and just asked me basic questions: Are you comfortable with the uniform? Do you have any tattoos that might show through the uniform? What's your availability? Do you have reliable transportation? It didn't seem like much of an interview for me, just more of basic questions. He then shook my hand and asked if I could come back in 2 days (yesterday) for a 2nd interview with the General Manager at 5pm. He just told me then to wear my hair and make-up like I were going to work.
Second interview, I still had no idea of what they expected me to wear but figured I didn't go too wrong during the first interview so decided to follow the same idea. I wore a black kind of dressed up top that didn't show too much cleavage and some jeans with heels. This time, I did wear more make-up than before, but not too much. When I walked in, the hostess was a different girl, but still very polite. I told her I was there for an interview with the General Manager and she went to the back. I waited about 5 minutes and she came back out with a middle-aged guy and he introduced himself. We walked to a table in the furthest back of the restaurant and had a seat. He had my application and basically went over it. This interview was more like a regular job interview. Same questions as before but longer and discussed the job some also. He asked more in depth questions like what are your goals in life? Why Hooters? What do you know about the company? Why would I make a good Hooter's Girl? What would I expect to make in tips a week? Then he told me he has expectations from every Hooter's Girl. Basically, you have to look good and stay in shape. Make-up done and hair down everyday. You have to work hard (no one likes the slacker), be punctual and actually early due to line ups and getting ready. You have to make money. He explained at $2.13/hr and working for tips, it wouldn't be worth my time if I didn't care about the tips. Then he said if I can accept those terms then welcome to the team :) We then discussed stuff I would need before orientation on Monday at 2pm. Driver's license, social security card, white slip resistant shoes, and $7 for slouch socks and suntan pantyhose.
So now, here I am... blogging my first real blog while my prince charming sleeps away this beautiful day. Guess I should wake him up, after all he DID promise me a puppy if I got the job :) I'm so excited to start and more so excited of what other new adventures await for us. After settling for less than I deserve for so many years, I've learned that sometimes things fall apart so even better things can fall together...
--RJ
Thursday, February 18, 2010
A New Perspective...
My mood: nerdy :)
The pale blue dot is....Earth, taken by Voyager I. Puts things into perspective.The late astronomer Carl Sagan eloquently tried to express how he felt about this photo in his book Pale Blue Dot: Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every 'superstar,' every 'supreme leader,' every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there ... all on a spec of dust suspended in a sunbeam
The pale blue dot is....Earth, taken by Voyager I. Puts things into perspective.The late astronomer Carl Sagan eloquently tried to express how he felt about this photo in his book Pale Blue Dot: Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every 'superstar,' every 'supreme leader,' every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there ... all on a spec of dust suspended in a sunbeam
Thursday, November 12, 2009
What a Mess I've Made!
My mood: intense and very sorry
I'm not posting this for comments or anything I just want to vent, I hear "you're perfect" and "any guy would be lucky to have you" and "you are such a great person" but by no means am I perfect. I've relied way too much on other people for my happiness and it has got me no where. How am I supposed to love someone only to be pushed back? Time and time again. I know this is my decision to leave and that I have reeeeeally messed some things up, but I can't keep doing this by myself. I have ran so far away from what I know is right because of being selfish. So yeah, that one I deserved, selfish. But I've also been hurt enough to know that the only way I can pick myself up is with help. I don't need a certain person to do that for me. I beat myself down this far by wanting something so much and without asking for strength or support, just following my head instead of my heart.
I know I am a VERY confused person and it takes a real special person to understand me and I'm sorry for that too. But I'm not going to keep being sorry. I really do have a good heart, I promise. I'm just tired of it getting broken :( On that note as I sit here at work with tears in my eyes, Im done. I really dont have anything else to give. Im done putting my heart out there and Im done thinking things are different than what is put in front of me. I'll vent more later but for now, I can't do this.. I do everything I do with good intentions, I swear on that..
I'm not posting this for comments or anything I just want to vent, I hear "you're perfect" and "any guy would be lucky to have you" and "you are such a great person" but by no means am I perfect. I've relied way too much on other people for my happiness and it has got me no where. How am I supposed to love someone only to be pushed back? Time and time again. I know this is my decision to leave and that I have reeeeeally messed some things up, but I can't keep doing this by myself. I have ran so far away from what I know is right because of being selfish. So yeah, that one I deserved, selfish. But I've also been hurt enough to know that the only way I can pick myself up is with help. I don't need a certain person to do that for me. I beat myself down this far by wanting something so much and without asking for strength or support, just following my head instead of my heart.
I know I am a VERY confused person and it takes a real special person to understand me and I'm sorry for that too. But I'm not going to keep being sorry. I really do have a good heart, I promise. I'm just tired of it getting broken :( On that note as I sit here at work with tears in my eyes, Im done. I really dont have anything else to give. Im done putting my heart out there and Im done thinking things are different than what is put in front of me. I'll vent more later but for now, I can't do this.. I do everything I do with good intentions, I swear on that..
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Random Venting to Myself
My mood: listless.....
Ughhhh! So 2 of my best guy friends in the last few months have up and ditched me because of girls that are jealous of me. Seriously?! How lame is that. It just really bothers me... If they are jealous without even knowing anything about me other than my name and that I'm a female, seriously? get real. So instead of standing up for "a friend" just shaft em right? Im getting pretty used to it even though it is complete bullshit I think.
Anyways... next thing. How can everyone think they know me and what I want? I don't even know what I want!!! Yeah, I want to be loved and appreciated. For some reason I guess I have got this "single girl partier" reputation. And how in the hell that? I MIGHT drink 2 times a month if I'm lucky! I LOVE kids and one day, I want to have 10 of em if I could!!! If it were to happen now, it would BE OK. I would be hurt because I really want to do this Air Force thing, but I know I would be ok and everything would be ok. But, I will prove to myself and everyone else that I am independent and am doing what I want to do. Stop trying to hold me back already, it just hurts me knowing I'm hurting you guys... I don't want to keep being reminded of that.
Next thing... I'm going to Wisconsin in a few weeks and it is going to be sooo hard for me! I havent been up there but once since my grandma died and I reeeeally miss her. The song "Homesick" reminds me of her so much... just have alot of thoughts all coming at me right now. After tech school my niece will be 2 1/2 and my nephew 1 1/2. Just how fast they are growing now I am going to miss so much, and my family is MY LIFE. Hands down. I am very family oriented and always will be. But, I know all this going into this. No regrets.
Annnnd a million other thoughts going through my head... am I going to have time for a boyfriend or should I wait... Should I trust him while Im gone or is that just completely unfair to ask, afterall I am the one leaving. Love is a funny thing for sure!!
Just venting to myself.... hmmm....
Ughhhh! So 2 of my best guy friends in the last few months have up and ditched me because of girls that are jealous of me. Seriously?! How lame is that. It just really bothers me... If they are jealous without even knowing anything about me other than my name and that I'm a female, seriously? get real. So instead of standing up for "a friend" just shaft em right? Im getting pretty used to it even though it is complete bullshit I think.
Anyways... next thing. How can everyone think they know me and what I want? I don't even know what I want!!! Yeah, I want to be loved and appreciated. For some reason I guess I have got this "single girl partier" reputation. And how in the hell that? I MIGHT drink 2 times a month if I'm lucky! I LOVE kids and one day, I want to have 10 of em if I could!!! If it were to happen now, it would BE OK. I would be hurt because I really want to do this Air Force thing, but I know I would be ok and everything would be ok. But, I will prove to myself and everyone else that I am independent and am doing what I want to do. Stop trying to hold me back already, it just hurts me knowing I'm hurting you guys... I don't want to keep being reminded of that.
Next thing... I'm going to Wisconsin in a few weeks and it is going to be sooo hard for me! I havent been up there but once since my grandma died and I reeeeally miss her. The song "Homesick" reminds me of her so much... just have alot of thoughts all coming at me right now. After tech school my niece will be 2 1/2 and my nephew 1 1/2. Just how fast they are growing now I am going to miss so much, and my family is MY LIFE. Hands down. I am very family oriented and always will be. But, I know all this going into this. No regrets.
Annnnd a million other thoughts going through my head... am I going to have time for a boyfriend or should I wait... Should I trust him while Im gone or is that just completely unfair to ask, afterall I am the one leaving. Love is a funny thing for sure!!
Just venting to myself.... hmmm....
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Letting Go
Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done and keeps getting throwing up in your face (lying, cheating , debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.) ...whatever it is...You need to know that God was standing at the window and saw the whole thing.
He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you and your past faults and fears.
The great thing about having such an awesome and loving God is that when you ask for forgiveness; He not only forgives you, but He forgets. Now we need to let ourselves be forgiven and it be forgotten and look to the future.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
What's it like to be a Christian?
My mood: BLESSED!
It is like being a pumpkin.
God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.
Then he cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.
He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.,
and then He carves you a new smiling face
and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.
Happy Fall :)
It is like being a pumpkin.
God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.
Then he cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.
He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.,
and then He carves you a new smiling face
and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.
Happy Fall :)
Friday, September 25, 2009
God doesn't make mistakes
My mood: THANKFUL!
May today there be a peace within you. May you trust that you are exactly where God wants you to be, he does not make mistakes. I hope that you all know and don't forget the infinite possibilities that are born of a faith in God, who created you with unique gifts that you may not realize yet. Pass on those gifts with the love that has been given to you and be content with just the way you are. God does NOT make mistakes, you are NOT a mistake, and when we make mistakes we can turn it into a lesson and be forgiven. Let this knowledge settle into your heart and allow your soul freedom. It is there for each and every one of us if you just open your eyes and stop your busy life enough to see it. Hope you all have a great weekend. Love you guys!
May today there be a peace within you. May you trust that you are exactly where God wants you to be, he does not make mistakes. I hope that you all know and don't forget the infinite possibilities that are born of a faith in God, who created you with unique gifts that you may not realize yet. Pass on those gifts with the love that has been given to you and be content with just the way you are. God does NOT make mistakes, you are NOT a mistake, and when we make mistakes we can turn it into a lesson and be forgiven. Let this knowledge settle into your heart and allow your soul freedom. It is there for each and every one of us if you just open your eyes and stop your busy life enough to see it. Hope you all have a great weekend. Love you guys!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Over and over in my head
My mood: bullied :(
So here is just some random venting and if you know me at all you know where this is coming from... too damn compassionate and caring Gina. Gah! I wish she would just go away sometimes!!!
I play the strong one because Im tired of being broken down, but why cant my heart just shut off the caring emotion for just a day. If I could be as careless and inconsiderate and shut off the emotion in me that gets me so fired up. I know Im doing the right thing, ok well I believe so. I am not going to keep giving and giving and keep being hurt over and over again. I miss my best friend, I miss the carefree fun loving me. Im still the happy smiling girl but underneath all that... I am still so sore at the core. Yeah, as strong as Ive been, tonight is going to be that night I just breakdown... I fell it boiling over. I know I say Im fine and Im good, and I am, and I always will be. But that doenst take the hurt out anymore. They say time heals all pain, but does it really? How much time is really enough?
I really just want everyone to be happy and I wish I could take on everyone's heartache and pain, and you all know that I usually am that person. Is this the stage where I start feeling sorry? I mean denial, pity, sorry? Is that how it goes? I feel like I have new eyes on and I havent been all I can and should be, we all slip and fall, but are a few mistakes really this deserving by karma? Dont get me wrong, I am so blessed!!!! I thank God everyday for the wonderful people in my life, and the wonderful people he has shown me to get closer to the last few weeks, but when does the sorrys stop? I know I am a great person with a heart of gold, everyone tells me that. Then how come others dont see that?
I put others first because thats how I am, as long as everyone else is happy, I am satisfied. I guess the hunger from "satisfied" to "full" are a far distance though. Like in Twilight, the animal blood satisfies but human blood fills. Ugh! I hate careless people, but for once why cant I get a break and be that person? The person who doesnt care who gets hurt as long as I would have what I wanted and the person who could lie to get what I want and know I would always be forgiven because someone else (me) is stupid enough to keep doing it.
There are make you and break you moments in life, and I will NEVER be broke down, I refuse to. But for some reason that one heartstring keeps playing its sad song in the back of the steady beat that keeps me going. Sorry just venting...
So here is just some random venting and if you know me at all you know where this is coming from... too damn compassionate and caring Gina. Gah! I wish she would just go away sometimes!!!
I play the strong one because Im tired of being broken down, but why cant my heart just shut off the caring emotion for just a day. If I could be as careless and inconsiderate and shut off the emotion in me that gets me so fired up. I know Im doing the right thing, ok well I believe so. I am not going to keep giving and giving and keep being hurt over and over again. I miss my best friend, I miss the carefree fun loving me. Im still the happy smiling girl but underneath all that... I am still so sore at the core. Yeah, as strong as Ive been, tonight is going to be that night I just breakdown... I fell it boiling over. I know I say Im fine and Im good, and I am, and I always will be. But that doenst take the hurt out anymore. They say time heals all pain, but does it really? How much time is really enough?
I really just want everyone to be happy and I wish I could take on everyone's heartache and pain, and you all know that I usually am that person. Is this the stage where I start feeling sorry? I mean denial, pity, sorry? Is that how it goes? I feel like I have new eyes on and I havent been all I can and should be, we all slip and fall, but are a few mistakes really this deserving by karma? Dont get me wrong, I am so blessed!!!! I thank God everyday for the wonderful people in my life, and the wonderful people he has shown me to get closer to the last few weeks, but when does the sorrys stop? I know I am a great person with a heart of gold, everyone tells me that. Then how come others dont see that?
I put others first because thats how I am, as long as everyone else is happy, I am satisfied. I guess the hunger from "satisfied" to "full" are a far distance though. Like in Twilight, the animal blood satisfies but human blood fills. Ugh! I hate careless people, but for once why cant I get a break and be that person? The person who doesnt care who gets hurt as long as I would have what I wanted and the person who could lie to get what I want and know I would always be forgiven because someone else (me) is stupid enough to keep doing it.
There are make you and break you moments in life, and I will NEVER be broke down, I refuse to. But for some reason that one heartstring keeps playing its sad song in the back of the steady beat that keeps me going. Sorry just venting...
Friday, September 4, 2009
Male Best Friends
I stole this from a friend and it so rings true... don't let something good pass you by.
I'm sorry that I bought you roses to tell you that i like you
I'm sorry That I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk
I'm sorry That my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants
I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised
I'm sorry That I'm not cute enough to be "your guy"
I'm sorry That I am actually nice; not an asshole
I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things
I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club or party
I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just f**k you like some random guy.
I'm sorry That I am always the one you need to Talk To, but never good enough to date
I'm sorry That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere
I'm sorry If I start not being there, and being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around
I'm sorry If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours,
instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work
I'm sorry That you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.
The one who's been there for you, the one who cares so much.
I'm sorry If you read this and know somebody like this but don't care,
But most of all I'm sorry For not being sorry anymore
I'm sorry That you can't accept me for who I am
I'm sorry I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.
I'm sorry I caught your bf with another girl and told you about it,
I thought that was what friends were for...
I'm sorry That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.
I'm sorry That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your bf was threatening you,
instead of spending time with my family.
I'm Sorry That i cared
I'm sorry That I listen to you at night talk about how you wish you could have done something different.
Ladies always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good guys out there,
and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them.
Well ladies next time you're bitching, maybe look up to see who you're bitching to,
maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual,
screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.
I'm sorry that I bought you roses to tell you that i like you
I'm sorry That I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk
I'm sorry That my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants
I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised
I'm sorry That I'm not cute enough to be "your guy"
I'm sorry That I am actually nice; not an asshole
I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things
I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club or party
I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just f**k you like some random guy.
I'm sorry That I am always the one you need to Talk To, but never good enough to date
I'm sorry That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere
I'm sorry If I start not being there, and being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around
I'm sorry If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours,
instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work
I'm sorry That you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.
The one who's been there for you, the one who cares so much.
I'm sorry If you read this and know somebody like this but don't care,
But most of all I'm sorry For not being sorry anymore
I'm sorry That you can't accept me for who I am
I'm sorry I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.
I'm sorry I caught your bf with another girl and told you about it,
I thought that was what friends were for...
I'm sorry That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.
I'm sorry That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your bf was threatening you,
instead of spending time with my family.
I'm Sorry That i cared
I'm sorry That I listen to you at night talk about how you wish you could have done something different.
Ladies always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good guys out there,
and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them.
Well ladies next time you're bitching, maybe look up to see who you're bitching to,
maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual,
screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.
The value of life
To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one..
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend or family member:
LOSE ONE.
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one..
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend or family member:
LOSE ONE.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
A Woman's Worth
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer,
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer,
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
Friday, August 7, 2009
He's just not that into you...
Mood: thoughtful
Cut your losses and don't waste your time . Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it? Fine. Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby. He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!" But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.
He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.
Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We (men) like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do.
Don't let the "honeys" and the "babys" fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than "I'm just not that into you." Remember, actions speak louder than, "There's no cell reception where I am right now."
Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We (men) like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do.
Don't let the "honeys" and the "babys" fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than "I'm just not that into you." Remember, actions speak louder than, "There's no cell reception where I am right now."
Calling when you say you're going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house, baby. And it's cold outside.
He will always be able to play the "friend" card on you. He only has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. He's got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to. He may be one of your closest friends, but I'm sorry to say ... as a boyfriend, he's just not that into you.
Beware of the word "friend". It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.
I don't want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I'll see again because they've already demonstarted to me that they're trustworthy and honorable -- and into me.
You can't blame a guy for having feelings. You love someone, you break up, you still have feeling. Thank God for that really. But having feelings don't mean you have to have sex.
Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has "issues" with marriage, will ... rest assured ... someday be married. It just will never be with you.
Everyone wants to be loved and needed, particularly by the person who just broke up with us. I understand. What could be better than hearing from the man who just told you he didn't want you in his life anymore ... his sad, wistful, "I miss you so much" voice on the other end of the phone? It's validating. It's exciting. It's irresistible. But resist you must.
My friends all say I should stop talking to him, but I think he misses me, and I like that. I miss him. I feel if I stay in touch with him, it will remind him of how great I am, and eventually he will realize that we should be together again.
A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you.
Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you.
I was seeing a guy for about a month. He broke up with me, saying that he didn't feel like it could be something serious. I understood and took it well. He wanted to know if we could still hang out as friends. I said sure. Now we get together and go out and then come back to his place and have sex, just like we did before. (But now, we're "broken up.") He's really, really cute and I love having sex with him. I also think he must like me if he can't stop being around me. And I think it's kinda cool -- all pressure's off and we're having a great time together. I've decided that I think it's fine and I'm not going to call his attention for the fact that we're actually dating. Except for the fact that we broke up.
This guy is brilliant. He goes out with you, dates you, breaks up with you, then continues to sleep with you, which basically absolves him of all responsibility toward your feelings. After all, you're not going out anymore. It's genius! It's diabolical! He should be writing a book! In fact, I bet this guy could get his own little cult going if he wanted to. And let me guess, you'd be happy to sign up for that as well. For the record, this guy doesn't "like you so much that he can't stop being around you." Because here's what guys don't do if they can't live without you: they don't break up with you. This guy is seriously not into you, it's crazy. The only way you're going to figure out how into you you are ... is how fast you get rid of him.
It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.
Hey girl. Put down the penis, put your clothes back on, and go directly to your best friend's house. Do not find an excuse to stay. Do not think that because of all the crazy hotness of it all, it now means that you're meant to be together. Yes, break up sex does seem like a good idea, because hey, it's nice to have sex with someone you have these dramatic feelings about. It makes it all, well, dramatic. But now you know. It confuses everything and makes you separate sex and emotions. So now you don't ever have to make that mistake again. Got it? He's into the very-bad-idea-that-masquerades-as-a-good-idea, breakup sex. Over and out.
Don't underestimate the power of sex, even with someone you've been doing it with for a very long time. Especially with someone you've been doing it with for a very long time. Breaking up means not seeing them again, which also implies not seeing them naked again. It might be tempting to forget this pearl of wisdom, but just remember, it's still called breakup sex. No one has yet to rename it oh-my-god-the-sex-was-so-good-we-got-back-together-again-and-lived-happily-ever-after sex.
He's sniffing for something better, and when he doesn't find it, he gets lonely and comes "home." It's not that he's so into you. It's that he's so not into being alone. Don't give him the chance to break up with you for the fourth time. (Even the idea of it sounds beneath you, doesn't it?) Reset your breakup maximum to one and move on.
He will always be able to play the "friend" card on you. He only has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. He's got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to. He may be one of your closest friends, but I'm sorry to say ... as a boyfriend, he's just not that into you.
Beware of the word "friend". It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.
I don't want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I'll see again because they've already demonstarted to me that they're trustworthy and honorable -- and into me.
You can't blame a guy for having feelings. You love someone, you break up, you still have feeling. Thank God for that really. But having feelings don't mean you have to have sex.
Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has "issues" with marriage, will ... rest assured ... someday be married. It just will never be with you.
Everyone wants to be loved and needed, particularly by the person who just broke up with us. I understand. What could be better than hearing from the man who just told you he didn't want you in his life anymore ... his sad, wistful, "I miss you so much" voice on the other end of the phone? It's validating. It's exciting. It's irresistible. But resist you must.
My friends all say I should stop talking to him, but I think he misses me, and I like that. I miss him. I feel if I stay in touch with him, it will remind him of how great I am, and eventually he will realize that we should be together again.
A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you.
Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you.
I was seeing a guy for about a month. He broke up with me, saying that he didn't feel like it could be something serious. I understood and took it well. He wanted to know if we could still hang out as friends. I said sure. Now we get together and go out and then come back to his place and have sex, just like we did before. (But now, we're "broken up.") He's really, really cute and I love having sex with him. I also think he must like me if he can't stop being around me. And I think it's kinda cool -- all pressure's off and we're having a great time together. I've decided that I think it's fine and I'm not going to call his attention for the fact that we're actually dating. Except for the fact that we broke up.
This guy is brilliant. He goes out with you, dates you, breaks up with you, then continues to sleep with you, which basically absolves him of all responsibility toward your feelings. After all, you're not going out anymore. It's genius! It's diabolical! He should be writing a book! In fact, I bet this guy could get his own little cult going if he wanted to. And let me guess, you'd be happy to sign up for that as well. For the record, this guy doesn't "like you so much that he can't stop being around you." Because here's what guys don't do if they can't live without you: they don't break up with you. This guy is seriously not into you, it's crazy. The only way you're going to figure out how into you you are ... is how fast you get rid of him.
It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.
Hey girl. Put down the penis, put your clothes back on, and go directly to your best friend's house. Do not find an excuse to stay. Do not think that because of all the crazy hotness of it all, it now means that you're meant to be together. Yes, break up sex does seem like a good idea, because hey, it's nice to have sex with someone you have these dramatic feelings about. It makes it all, well, dramatic. But now you know. It confuses everything and makes you separate sex and emotions. So now you don't ever have to make that mistake again. Got it? He's into the very-bad-idea-that-masquerades-as-a-good-idea, breakup sex. Over and out.
Don't underestimate the power of sex, even with someone you've been doing it with for a very long time. Especially with someone you've been doing it with for a very long time. Breaking up means not seeing them again, which also implies not seeing them naked again. It might be tempting to forget this pearl of wisdom, but just remember, it's still called breakup sex. No one has yet to rename it oh-my-god-the-sex-was-so-good-we-got-back-together-again-and-lived-happily-ever-after sex.
He's sniffing for something better, and when he doesn't find it, he gets lonely and comes "home." It's not that he's so into you. It's that he's so not into being alone. Don't give him the chance to break up with you for the fourth time. (Even the idea of it sounds beneath you, doesn't it?) Reset your breakup maximum to one and move on.
Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.
Don't confuse being classy with being a doormat. Classy is walking away with your head held high, graciously, and with all dignity. Being a doormat is offering to drive him to the dentist for his root canal.
Breakups, I've heard, are supposed to be just that. Breaks. Hard, clean breaks. No talking, no seeing, no touching ... keep your hands to yourself. The relationship is over. Half the people I know move after a huge breakup, and frankly that makes perfect sense to me. You're not supposed to sleep with the guy who just broke your heart a week ago. Fine. Next time I'm in this situation I'll cry. Stay in bed and wail. Go to the gym if I can. Call all my friends and burden them with my misery. Sleep too much. Cry some more. See my therapist more often. Get a puppy. Do whatever I have to so eventually I can move on.
Breakup sex still means you're broken up.
Cut him off. Let him miss you.
He doesn't need to be reminded that you're great.
There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed. The part part is realizing that he was lying to you, in some way, before the moment of vanishing.
Don't give him the chance to reject you again.
No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.
Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.
Don't confuse being classy with being a doormat. Classy is walking away with your head held high, graciously, and with all dignity. Being a doormat is offering to drive him to the dentist for his root canal.
Breakups, I've heard, are supposed to be just that. Breaks. Hard, clean breaks. No talking, no seeing, no touching ... keep your hands to yourself. The relationship is over. Half the people I know move after a huge breakup, and frankly that makes perfect sense to me. You're not supposed to sleep with the guy who just broke your heart a week ago. Fine. Next time I'm in this situation I'll cry. Stay in bed and wail. Go to the gym if I can. Call all my friends and burden them with my misery. Sleep too much. Cry some more. See my therapist more often. Get a puppy. Do whatever I have to so eventually I can move on.
Breakup sex still means you're broken up.
Cut him off. Let him miss you.
He doesn't need to be reminded that you're great.
There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed. The part part is realizing that he was lying to you, in some way, before the moment of vanishing.
Don't give him the chance to reject you again.
No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.
Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.
Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.
You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
On the road of LIFE
My mood: strong!
At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong; so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was there, sort of like a picture of a president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know Him.
Later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life was like a bike ride, on a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in the back helping me pedal. I don't recall when he suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since.
When I had control, it was rather boring, and predictable... It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew the exciting paths to take, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds, it was all I could do to just hang on! At times it seemed like madness. He said: "Pedal!"
And by faith I did, although I worried and was anxious. "Where are you taking me?" He laughed, but no answer, and I started to learn to
trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure.
When I'd say, "I'm scared," He'd lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people that had gifts that I needed. Gifts of healing, acceptance, love, and joy. So many priceless gifts to take on my journey... my Lord's and mine. Then we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away, they're extra baggage now... there'll be more gifts to come." So I did, I gave them to people we met, and found that in giving I also received, and my burden was lighter.
I didn't trust him at first to be in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it, but I discovered he knows how to handle even the roughest roads in my life. Now I'm learning to be quiet and pedal in the strangest places. I'm beginning to enjoy the view, the challenge of the ride, as well as the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion... Jesus Christ.
When it seems I just can't take anymore, I keep my eyes and faith on Him. He looks at me, with a big smile, and says... "Keep on Pedaling."
At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong; so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was there, sort of like a picture of a president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know Him.
Later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life was like a bike ride, on a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in the back helping me pedal. I don't recall when he suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since.
When I had control, it was rather boring, and predictable... It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew the exciting paths to take, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds, it was all I could do to just hang on! At times it seemed like madness. He said: "Pedal!"
And by faith I did, although I worried and was anxious. "Where are you taking me?" He laughed, but no answer, and I started to learn to
trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure.
When I'd say, "I'm scared," He'd lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people that had gifts that I needed. Gifts of healing, acceptance, love, and joy. So many priceless gifts to take on my journey... my Lord's and mine. Then we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away, they're extra baggage now... there'll be more gifts to come." So I did, I gave them to people we met, and found that in giving I also received, and my burden was lighter.
I didn't trust him at first to be in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it, but I discovered he knows how to handle even the roughest roads in my life. Now I'm learning to be quiet and pedal in the strangest places. I'm beginning to enjoy the view, the challenge of the ride, as well as the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion... Jesus Christ.
When it seems I just can't take anymore, I keep my eyes and faith on Him. He looks at me, with a big smile, and says... "Keep on Pedaling."
Monday, June 1, 2009
"East to West" --Casting Crowns
My mood: discontent
Really think on these lyrics by Casting Crowns... completely how I feel...
"East to West"
Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
In your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight
I know you've cast my sins as far
As the East is from the West
And I stand before you now
As though I've never sinned but today
I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way
Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scared hand to the other
I start the day the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again
Your Truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way
I know you've washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel
But by the truth your word reveals
I'm not holding on to you
But your holding on to me
Your holding on to me
Jesus, you know just how far
The East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
The arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other
Really think on these lyrics by Casting Crowns... completely how I feel...
"East to West"
Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
In your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight
I know you've cast my sins as far
As the East is from the West
And I stand before you now
As though I've never sinned but today
I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way
Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scared hand to the other
I start the day the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again
Your Truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way
I know you've washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel
But by the truth your word reveals
I'm not holding on to you
But your holding on to me
Your holding on to me
Jesus, you know just how far
The East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
The arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Life is a theater...
My mood: BOUNCY!
Life is a theater so invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is spiritually healthy and mature enough to have a front row seat in our lives. Yes, we need to love everyone but there are some people in our lives that need to be loved from a distance.
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you LET GO, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere people. You should just sit one day and observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to:
Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are steadily going downhill?
When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand?
We all should know and appreciate you and the gift that lies within us. When you seek growth, peace of mind, love and truth, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. You cannot change the people around you...but you can change the people you are around! Ask God for godly wisdom and choose wisely the people who sit in the front row of your life.
--Gina
Life is a theater so invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is spiritually healthy and mature enough to have a front row seat in our lives. Yes, we need to love everyone but there are some people in our lives that need to be loved from a distance.
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you LET GO, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere people. You should just sit one day and observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to:
Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are steadily going downhill?
When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand?
We all should know and appreciate you and the gift that lies within us. When you seek growth, peace of mind, love and truth, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. You cannot change the people around you...but you can change the people you are around! Ask God for godly wisdom and choose wisely the people who sit in the front row of your life.
--Gina
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
What a great day to be alive!
My mood: BLESSED! :)
Hope everyone is having a wonderful start to a rainy but beautiful weekend. I just wanted to be short and to the point today and give ya something to think about that has been weighing on me heavily, so here it goes...
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but opening your hands to receive something better that we may not see without the turn or "struggle" or "conflict" he puts in front of us. Yeah, times get tough, we cry, we get upset, we struggle, but for what? It can't rain forever and the will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you. Think about it and have a wonderful Friday!!!!
Hope everyone is having a wonderful start to a rainy but beautiful weekend. I just wanted to be short and to the point today and give ya something to think about that has been weighing on me heavily, so here it goes...
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but opening your hands to receive something better that we may not see without the turn or "struggle" or "conflict" he puts in front of us. Yeah, times get tough, we cry, we get upset, we struggle, but for what? It can't rain forever and the will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you. Think about it and have a wonderful Friday!!!!
Friday, April 17, 2009
A few thoughts
Many of you that know me, knew Josh Bickham as well. We’ve been great friends for the last 7 years since we met in high school… Josh passed away in a motorcycle accident on April 11th—the day before Easter. Now that the shock is wearing down and my hysteria is fading and I have to see reality as just that, reality, I’ve had some time to clear all these crazy, confused, hurt, lonely, and other mixed feelings from my head and here are a few thoughts, take them how you want. I don't mean to step on any toes, just weighing heavy on my heart...
Though I’m confused, and the incident will always confuse me, I always lean on scripture. I’ll never be over the fact that Josh is gone and won’t be back for me to cry and whine to, but I’m blessed to have had someone to light up my life like he has… to have known him for the past 7 years… and to get to know him as well as I did where he knew he could come to me with any problems he had or just needed to vent and spill his heart out about. That leaves me pretty at peace. Josh wasn’t one to ask for help, ever! But whenever he was confused or hurt, he would come to me, he never had to ask, I always just knew he was hurting. The only thing I’m still uneasy about is the fact that he didn’t lead on God for comfort and support. Other than that, I know in my heart I did what I could to make him a better person, and I know I became a better person with him in my life.
Not many people really understood the fact that we dated in high school and after we broke up, we were still the best friends we were when we started dating. That never mattered to us, what other people thought. It actually didn’t take much other than saying hi to Kristina for her and I to get along. When I think back, I believe God gave us our space because he knew I wasn’t strong enough to handle his death without the comfort of knowing he was happy and completely in love. And as hurt as I am about how everything happened the last few months, I truly believe God was only starting Kristina’s healing process early and giving her some comfort and time. My feelings on the whole thing are still jumbled and torn and confused, but I know we must forgive before we can completely start to heal. And Josh wouldn’t want arguing or bickering—he’s had to calm me down a number of times lol
Anyways, it seemed that many of the people at his funeral knew me and all let me know how much I meant to Josh. Which, it hurt at first, but when I laid in bed and thought about it, it only meant he was a true friend to me and didn’t care what others thought. We knew that even if others didn’t, we were always there for each other. Josh and I just understood each other, even Kristina understood that. But, through all of this I’ve managed to age from this experience and learned a few lessons that I want to bring onto everyone else… Cherish the ones you love cause tomorrow isn’t promised—good Lord’s will, you will be here tomorrow, but if you aren’t, if you know him, he will know you and be waiting for you in our real home with him… don’t let an opportunity pass you by—you could be the one that brings a lost person to Christ, it isn’t a religion, it truly is a relationship that everyone would love and be loved… and remember all the things in life that the Lord has done to bless you. It isn’t only about the sad things and the misery, it may be painful now but it can’t rain forever. Satan wants us to wimper and cry and be torn down so he can move in and belittle us and use our weaknesses against us, and that just isn’t gonna happen to me. J
I’ll always love you, Josh. You were the closest thing to a brother I had! During my WORST point in my life you were the only one who understood ME enough to tear down my wall. Yeah, now I’m just reliving memories, but that’s a good thing right. At least I have memories of him to relive, others weren’t as lucky to have met him, known him, and had the bond we had, they didn’t get the time we had and that’s something I don’t regret. The stronger I’ve gotten from this and the memories I have outweigh the pain and sadness now by a million. So for those of you who have been praying for me, thanks. I just hope and pray that everyone that did know Josh has come out of this stronger and wiser and I pray they have become closer to Christ and know that he is the only One that can help start the healing process. Sorry to ramble, just been weighing heavy on my heart. I love you Josh, you will be in my heart and the hearts of those that have known you forever, you’re unforgettable and loved—just as you will always be.
--Gina
Though I’m confused, and the incident will always confuse me, I always lean on scripture. I’ll never be over the fact that Josh is gone and won’t be back for me to cry and whine to, but I’m blessed to have had someone to light up my life like he has… to have known him for the past 7 years… and to get to know him as well as I did where he knew he could come to me with any problems he had or just needed to vent and spill his heart out about. That leaves me pretty at peace. Josh wasn’t one to ask for help, ever! But whenever he was confused or hurt, he would come to me, he never had to ask, I always just knew he was hurting. The only thing I’m still uneasy about is the fact that he didn’t lead on God for comfort and support. Other than that, I know in my heart I did what I could to make him a better person, and I know I became a better person with him in my life.
Not many people really understood the fact that we dated in high school and after we broke up, we were still the best friends we were when we started dating. That never mattered to us, what other people thought. It actually didn’t take much other than saying hi to Kristina for her and I to get along. When I think back, I believe God gave us our space because he knew I wasn’t strong enough to handle his death without the comfort of knowing he was happy and completely in love. And as hurt as I am about how everything happened the last few months, I truly believe God was only starting Kristina’s healing process early and giving her some comfort and time. My feelings on the whole thing are still jumbled and torn and confused, but I know we must forgive before we can completely start to heal. And Josh wouldn’t want arguing or bickering—he’s had to calm me down a number of times lol
Anyways, it seemed that many of the people at his funeral knew me and all let me know how much I meant to Josh. Which, it hurt at first, but when I laid in bed and thought about it, it only meant he was a true friend to me and didn’t care what others thought. We knew that even if others didn’t, we were always there for each other. Josh and I just understood each other, even Kristina understood that. But, through all of this I’ve managed to age from this experience and learned a few lessons that I want to bring onto everyone else… Cherish the ones you love cause tomorrow isn’t promised—good Lord’s will, you will be here tomorrow, but if you aren’t, if you know him, he will know you and be waiting for you in our real home with him… don’t let an opportunity pass you by—you could be the one that brings a lost person to Christ, it isn’t a religion, it truly is a relationship that everyone would love and be loved… and remember all the things in life that the Lord has done to bless you. It isn’t only about the sad things and the misery, it may be painful now but it can’t rain forever. Satan wants us to wimper and cry and be torn down so he can move in and belittle us and use our weaknesses against us, and that just isn’t gonna happen to me. J
I’ll always love you, Josh. You were the closest thing to a brother I had! During my WORST point in my life you were the only one who understood ME enough to tear down my wall. Yeah, now I’m just reliving memories, but that’s a good thing right. At least I have memories of him to relive, others weren’t as lucky to have met him, known him, and had the bond we had, they didn’t get the time we had and that’s something I don’t regret. The stronger I’ve gotten from this and the memories I have outweigh the pain and sadness now by a million. So for those of you who have been praying for me, thanks. I just hope and pray that everyone that did know Josh has come out of this stronger and wiser and I pray they have become closer to Christ and know that he is the only One that can help start the healing process. Sorry to ramble, just been weighing heavy on my heart. I love you Josh, you will be in my heart and the hearts of those that have known you forever, you’re unforgettable and loved—just as you will always be.
--Gina
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