What a Mess I've Made!

My mood: intense and very sorry

I'm not posting this for comments or anything I just want to vent, I hear "you're perfect" and "any guy would be lucky to have you" and "you are such a great person" but by no means am I perfect. I've relied way too much on other people for my happiness and it has got me no where. How am I supposed to love someone only to be pushed back? Time and time again. I know this is my decision to leave and that I have reeeeeally messed some things up, but I can't keep doing this by myself. I have ran so far away from what I know is right because of being selfish. So yeah, that one I deserved, selfish. But I've also been hurt enough to know that the only way I can pick myself up is with help. I don't need a certain person to do that for me. I beat myself down this far by wanting something so much and without asking for strength or support, just following my head instead of my heart.

I know I am a VERY confused person and it takes a real special person to understand me and I'm sorry for that too. But I'm not going to keep being sorry. I really do have a good heart, I promise. I'm just tired of it getting broken :( On that note as I sit here at work with tears in my eyes, Im done. I really dont have anything else to give. Im done putting my heart out there and Im done thinking things are different than what is put in front of me. I'll vent more later but for now, I can't do this.. I do everything I do with good intentions, I swear on that..

Random Venting to Myself

My mood: listless.....


Ughhhh! So 2 of my best guy friends in the last few months have up and ditched me because of girls that are jealous of me. Seriously?! How lame is that. It just really bothers me... If they are jealous without even knowing anything about me other than my name and that I'm a female, seriously? get real. So instead of standing up for "a friend" just shaft em right? Im getting pretty used to it even though it is complete bullshit I think.

Anyways... next thing. How can everyone think they know me and what I want? I don't even know what I want!!! Yeah, I want to be loved and appreciated. For some reason I guess I have got this "single girl partier" reputation. And how in the hell that? I MIGHT drink 2 times a month if I'm lucky! I LOVE kids and one day, I want to have 10 of em if I could!!! If it were to happen now, it would BE OK. I would be hurt because I really want to do this Air Force thing, but I know I would be ok and everything would be ok. But, I will prove to myself and everyone else that I am independent and am doing what I want to do. Stop trying to hold me back already, it just hurts me knowing I'm hurting you guys... I don't want to keep being reminded of that.

Next thing... I'm going to Wisconsin in a few weeks and it is going to be sooo hard for me! I havent been up there but once since my grandma died and I reeeeally miss her. The song "Homesick" reminds me of her so much... just have alot of thoughts all coming at me right now. After tech school my niece will be 2 1/2 and my nephew 1 1/2. Just how fast they are growing now I am going to miss so much, and my family is MY LIFE. Hands down. I am very family oriented and always will be. But, I know all this going into this. No regrets.

Annnnd a million other thoughts going through my head... am I going to have time for a boyfriend or should I wait... Should I trust him while Im gone or is that just completely unfair to ask, afterall I am the one leaving. Love is a funny thing for sure!!

Just venting to myself.... hmmm....

Letting Go

Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done and keeps getting throwing up in your face (lying, cheating , debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.) ...whatever it is...You need to know that God was standing at the window and saw the whole thing.

He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you and your past faults and fears.

The great thing about having such an awesome and loving God is that when you ask for forgiveness; He not only forgives you, but He forgets. Now we need to let ourselves be forgiven and it be forgotten and look to the future.

What's it like to be a Christian?

My mood: BLESSED!

It is like being a pumpkin.
God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.
Then he cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.
He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.,
and then He carves you a new smiling face
and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.

Happy Fall :)

God doesn't make mistakes

My mood: THANKFUL!

May today there be a peace within you. May you trust that you are exactly where God wants you to be, he does not make mistakes. I hope that you all know and don't forget the infinite possibilities that are born of a faith in God, who created you with unique gifts that you may not realize yet. Pass on those gifts with the love that has been given to you and be content with just the way you are. God does NOT make mistakes, you are NOT a mistake, and when we make mistakes we can turn it into a lesson and be forgiven. Let this knowledge settle into your heart and allow your soul freedom. It is there for each and every one of us if you just open your eyes and stop your busy life enough to see it. Hope you all have a great weekend. Love you guys!

Over and over in my head

My mood: bullied :(

So here is just some random venting and if you know me at all you know where this is coming from... too damn compassionate and caring Gina. Gah! I wish she would just go away sometimes!!!

I play the strong one because Im tired of being broken down, but why cant my heart just shut off the caring emotion for just a day. If I could be as careless and inconsiderate and shut off the emotion in me that gets me so fired up. I know Im doing the right thing, ok well I believe so. I am not going to keep giving and giving and keep being hurt over and over again. I miss my best friend, I miss the carefree fun loving me. Im still the happy smiling girl but underneath all that... I am still so sore at the core. Yeah, as strong as Ive been, tonight is going to be that night I just breakdown... I fell it boiling over. I know I say Im fine and Im good, and I am, and I always will be. But that doenst take the hurt out anymore. They say time heals all pain, but does it really? How much time is really enough?

I really just want everyone to be happy and I wish I could take on everyone's heartache and pain, and you all know that I usually am that person. Is this the stage where I start feeling sorry? I mean denial, pity, sorry? Is that how it goes? I feel like I have new eyes on and I havent been all I can and should be, we all slip and fall, but are a few mistakes really this deserving by karma? Dont get me wrong, I am so blessed!!!! I thank God everyday for the wonderful people in my life, and the wonderful people he has shown me to get closer to the last few weeks, but when does the sorrys stop? I know I am a great person with a heart of gold, everyone tells me that. Then how come others dont see that?

I put others first because thats how I am, as long as everyone else is happy, I am satisfied. I guess the hunger from "satisfied" to "full" are a far distance though. Like in Twilight, the animal blood satisfies but human blood fills. Ugh! I hate careless people, but for once why cant I get a break and be that person? The person who doesnt care who gets hurt as long as I would have what I wanted and the person who could lie to get what I want and know I would always be forgiven because someone else (me) is stupid enough to keep doing it.

There are make you and break you moments in life, and I will NEVER be broke down, I refuse to. But for some reason that one heartstring keeps playing its sad song in the back of the steady beat that keeps me going. Sorry just venting...

Male Best Friends

I stole this from a friend and it so rings true... don't let something good pass you by.



I'm sorry that I bought you roses to tell you that i like you
I'm sorry That I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk
I'm sorry That my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants
I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised
I'm sorry That I'm not cute enough to be "your guy"
I'm sorry That I am actually nice; not an asshole
I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things
I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club or party
I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just f**k you like some random guy.
I'm sorry That I am always the one you need to Talk To, but never good enough to date
I'm sorry That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere
I'm sorry If I start not being there, and being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around
I'm sorry If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours,
instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work
I'm sorry That you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.
The one who's been there for you, the one who cares so much.
I'm sorry If you read this and know somebody like this but don't care,
But most of all I'm sorry For not being sorry anymore
I'm sorry That you can't accept me for who I am
I'm sorry I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.
I'm sorry I caught your bf with another girl and told you about it,
I thought that was what friends were for...
I'm sorry That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.
I'm sorry That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your bf was threatening you,
instead of spending time with my family.
I'm Sorry That i cared
I'm sorry That I listen to you at night talk about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good guys out there,
and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them.
Well ladies next time you're bitching, maybe look up to see who you're bitching to,
maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual,
screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

The value of life

To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one..
Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend or family member:
LOSE ONE.

A Woman's Worth

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer,
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

He's just not that into you...

Mood: thoughtful

Cut your losses and don't waste your time . Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it? Fine. Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby. He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!" But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.

He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We (men) like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do.

Don't let the "honeys" and the "babys" fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than "I'm just not that into you." Remember, actions speak louder than, "There's no cell reception where I am right now."

Calling when you say you're going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house, baby. And it's cold outside.

He will always be able to play the "friend" card on you. He only has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. He's got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to. He may be one of your closest friends, but I'm sorry to say ... as a boyfriend, he's just not that into you.

Beware of the word "friend". It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.

I don't want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I'll see again because they've already demonstarted to me that they're trustworthy and honorable -- and into me.

You can't blame a guy for having feelings. You love someone, you break up, you still have feeling. Thank God for that really. But having feelings don't mean you have to have sex.

Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has "issues" with marriage, will ... rest assured ... someday be married. It just will never be with you.

Everyone wants to be loved and needed, particularly by the person who just broke up with us. I understand. What could be better than hearing from the man who just told you he didn't want you in his life anymore ... his sad, wistful, "I miss you so much" voice on the other end of the phone? It's validating. It's exciting. It's irresistible. But resist you must.

My friends all say I should stop talking to him, but I think he misses me, and I like that. I miss him. I feel if I stay in touch with him, it will remind him of how great I am, and eventually he will realize that we should be together again.

A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you.

Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you.

I was seeing a guy for about a month. He broke up with me, saying that he didn't feel like it could be something serious. I understood and took it well. He wanted to know if we could still hang out as friends. I said sure. Now we get together and go out and then come back to his place and have sex, just like we did before. (But now, we're "broken up.") He's really, really cute and I love having sex with him. I also think he must like me if he can't stop being around me. And I think it's kinda cool -- all pressure's off and we're having a great time together. I've decided that I think it's fine and I'm not going to call his attention for the fact that we're actually dating. Except for the fact that we broke up.

This guy is brilliant. He goes out with you, dates you, breaks up with you, then continues to sleep with you, which basically absolves him of all responsibility toward your feelings. After all, you're not going out anymore. It's genius! It's diabolical! He should be writing a book! In fact, I bet this guy could get his own little cult going if he wanted to. And let me guess, you'd be happy to sign up for that as well. For the record, this guy doesn't "like you so much that he can't stop being around you." Because here's what guys don't do if they can't live without you: they don't break up with you. This guy is seriously not into you, it's crazy. The only way you're going to figure out how into you you are ... is how fast you get rid of him.

It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.

Hey girl. Put down the penis, put your clothes back on, and go directly to your best friend's house. Do not find an excuse to stay. Do not think that because of all the crazy hotness of it all, it now means that you're meant to be together. Yes, break up sex does seem like a good idea, because hey, it's nice to have sex with someone you have these dramatic feelings about. It makes it all, well, dramatic. But now you know. It confuses everything and makes you separate sex and emotions. So now you don't ever have to make that mistake again. Got it? He's into the very-bad-idea-that-masquerades-as-a-good-idea, breakup sex. Over and out.

Don't underestimate the power of sex, even with someone you've been doing it with for a very long time. Especially with someone you've been doing it with for a very long time. Breaking up means not seeing them again, which also implies not seeing them naked again. It might be tempting to forget this pearl of wisdom, but just remember, it's still called breakup sex. No one has yet to rename it oh-my-god-the-sex-was-so-good-we-got-back-together-again-and-lived-happily-ever-after sex.

He's sniffing for something better, and when he doesn't find it, he gets lonely and comes "home." It's not that he's so into you. It's that he's so not into being alone. Don't give him the chance to break up with you for the fourth time. (Even the idea of it sounds beneath you, doesn't it?) Reset your breakup maximum to one and move on.

Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.

Don't confuse being classy with being a doormat. Classy is walking away with your head held high, graciously, and with all dignity. Being a doormat is offering to drive him to the dentist for his root canal.

Breakups, I've heard, are supposed to be just that. Breaks. Hard, clean breaks. No talking, no seeing, no touching ... keep your hands to yourself. The relationship is over. Half the people I know move after a huge breakup, and frankly that makes perfect sense to me. You're not supposed to sleep with the guy who just broke your heart a week ago. Fine. Next time I'm in this situation I'll cry. Stay in bed and wail. Go to the gym if I can. Call all my friends and burden them with my misery. Sleep too much. Cry some more. See my therapist more often. Get a puppy. Do whatever I have to so eventually I can move on.

Breakup sex still means you're broken up.

Cut him off. Let him miss you.

He doesn't need to be reminded that you're great.

There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed. The part part is realizing that he was lying to you, in some way, before the moment of vanishing.

Don't give him the chance to reject you again.

No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.

Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.

On the road of LIFE

My mood: strong!


At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong; so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was there, sort of like a picture of a president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know Him.

Later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life was like a bike ride, on a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in the back helping me pedal. I don't recall when he suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since.

When I had control, it was rather boring, and predictable... It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew the exciting paths to take, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds, it was all I could do to just hang on! At times it seemed like madness. He said: "Pedal!"

And by faith I did, although I worried and was anxious. "Where are you taking me?" He laughed, but no answer, and I started to learn to
trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure.

When I'd say, "I'm scared," He'd lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people that had gifts that I needed. Gifts of healing, acceptance, love, and joy. So many priceless gifts to take on my journey... my Lord's and mine. Then we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away, they're extra baggage now... there'll be more gifts to come." So I did, I gave them to people we met, and found that in giving I also received, and my burden was lighter.

I didn't trust him at first to be in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it, but I discovered he knows how to handle even the roughest roads in my life. Now I'm learning to be quiet and pedal in the strangest places. I'm beginning to enjoy the view, the challenge of the ride, as well as the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion... Jesus Christ.

When it seems I just can't take anymore, I keep my eyes and faith on Him. He looks at me, with a big smile, and says... "Keep on Pedaling."

"East to West" --Casting Crowns

My mood: discontent


Really think on these lyrics by Casting Crowns... completely how I feel...

"East to West"

Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
In your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight

I know you've cast my sins as far
As the East is from the West
And I stand before you now
As though I've never sinned but today
I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way

Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scared hand to the other

I start the day the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again
Your Truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way

I know you've washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel
But by the truth your word reveals
I'm not holding on to you
But your holding on to me
Your holding on to me

Jesus, you know just how far
The East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
The arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

Life is a theater...

My mood: BOUNCY!

Life is a theater so invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is spiritually healthy and mature enough to have a front row seat in our lives. Yes, we need to love everyone but there are some people in our lives that need to be loved from a distance.

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you LET GO, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere people. You should just sit one day and observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to:

Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are steadily going downhill?
When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand?

We all should know and appreciate you and the gift that lies within us. When you seek growth, peace of mind, love and truth, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. You cannot change the people around you...but you can change the people you are around! Ask God for godly wisdom and choose wisely the people who sit in the front row of your life.


--Gina

What a great day to be alive!

My mood: BLESSED! :)

Hope everyone is having a wonderful start to a rainy but beautiful weekend. I just wanted to be short and to the point today and give ya something to think about that has been weighing on me heavily, so here it goes...

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but opening your hands to receive something better that we may not see without the turn or "struggle" or "conflict" he puts in front of us. Yeah, times get tough, we cry, we get upset, we struggle, but for what? It can't rain forever and the will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you. Think about it and have a wonderful Friday!!!!

A few thoughts

Many of you that know me, knew Josh Bickham as well. We’ve been great friends for the last 7 years since we met in high school… Josh passed away in a motorcycle accident on April 11th—the day before Easter. Now that the shock is wearing down and my hysteria is fading and I have to see reality as just that, reality, I’ve had some time to clear all these crazy, confused, hurt, lonely, and other mixed feelings from my head and here are a few thoughts, take them how you want. I don't mean to step on any toes, just weighing heavy on my heart...



Though I’m confused, and the incident will always confuse me, I always lean on scripture. I’ll never be over the fact that Josh is gone and won’t be back for me to cry and whine to, but I’m blessed to have had someone to light up my life like he has… to have known him for the past 7 years… and to get to know him as well as I did where he knew he could come to me with any problems he had or just needed to vent and spill his heart out about. That leaves me pretty at peace. Josh wasn’t one to ask for help, ever! But whenever he was confused or hurt, he would come to me, he never had to ask, I always just knew he was hurting. The only thing I’m still uneasy about is the fact that he didn’t lead on God for comfort and support. Other than that, I know in my heart I did what I could to make him a better person, and I know I became a better person with him in my life.



Not many people really understood the fact that we dated in high school and after we broke up, we were still the best friends we were when we started dating. That never mattered to us, what other people thought. It actually didn’t take much other than saying hi to Kristina for her and I to get along. When I think back, I believe God gave us our space because he knew I wasn’t strong enough to handle his death without the comfort of knowing he was happy and completely in love. And as hurt as I am about how everything happened the last few months, I truly believe God was only starting Kristina’s healing process early and giving her some comfort and time. My feelings on the whole thing are still jumbled and torn and confused, but I know we must forgive before we can completely start to heal. And Josh wouldn’t want arguing or bickering—he’s had to calm me down a number of times lol



Anyways, it seemed that many of the people at his funeral knew me and all let me know how much I meant to Josh. Which, it hurt at first, but when I laid in bed and thought about it, it only meant he was a true friend to me and didn’t care what others thought. We knew that even if others didn’t, we were always there for each other. Josh and I just understood each other, even Kristina understood that. But, through all of this I’ve managed to age from this experience and learned a few lessons that I want to bring onto everyone else… Cherish the ones you love cause tomorrow isn’t promised—good Lord’s will, you will be here tomorrow, but if you aren’t, if you know him, he will know you and be waiting for you in our real home with him… don’t let an opportunity pass you by—you could be the one that brings a lost person to Christ, it isn’t a religion, it truly is a relationship that everyone would love and be loved… and remember all the things in life that the Lord has done to bless you. It isn’t only about the sad things and the misery, it may be painful now but it can’t rain forever. Satan wants us to wimper and cry and be torn down so he can move in and belittle us and use our weaknesses against us, and that just isn’t gonna happen to me. J



I’ll always love you, Josh. You were the closest thing to a brother I had! During my WORST point in my life you were the only one who understood ME enough to tear down my wall. Yeah, now I’m just reliving memories, but that’s a good thing right. At least I have memories of him to relive, others weren’t as lucky to have met him, known him, and had the bond we had, they didn’t get the time we had and that’s something I don’t regret. The stronger I’ve gotten from this and the memories I have outweigh the pain and sadness now by a million. So for those of you who have been praying for me, thanks. I just hope and pray that everyone that did know Josh has come out of this stronger and wiser and I pray they have become closer to Christ and know that he is the only One that can help start the healing process. Sorry to ramble, just been weighing heavy on my heart. I love you Josh, you will be in my heart and the hearts of those that have known you forever, you’re unforgettable and loved—just as you will always be.

--Gina